Ask Dr. Wanda

Q & A
“Just Ask Dr. Wanda”
1. What is the best way to blend a family in a marriage when there are children on both sides:

I think the key word “blend” is the solution to the question. When you wish to blend fruit, vegetables or even meat…you place all of the ingredients in one container and push “blend”. Now to blend is to spin, to crush, to mash, to join and mix together all items. This means it would be a wise and good thing for all four of the parents involved to meet prior to the new marriage. If it is too late to do this, then call a “post-meeting” and first of all try to find a reasonable environment for all parents to sit and discuss what is best for the children. Simple matters as to what kind of clothes a child wears, what kind of breakfast foods vs lunch and dinner foods do the children need. What are the curfew for older children. How have they managed their time with respect to doing homework, watching television and playing computer games. Who will drive the children to their sport commitments? Who will pick them up and deliver them home safe? How will the children divide celebrating the holidays? The list goes on and on. Often two adults decide to get married and completely leave the children out of the occasion and in many cases that is the genesis of painful days, weeks, months and even years. I suggest that if you as parents have not involved your children; repent to the children and do your “first works over”. If you have not allowed the parent living outside the home to mediate any of the issues…repent to their parent and include them in future decisions. One very important matter…never discuss the negative issues of your former spouse in front of your children. Then…have a once a week prayer/talk time with parents and children. Give each other a report card. Let the children in an honest, open environment grade your efforts as a parent (birth or step). Communication is very key in making blending families work. It will require counseling (at times) and prayer (all the time) but it can be done.

2. Why is there such an attack against women in high places in ministry by other women?

Basically, one’s anointing attracts attack. This attack can be through male or female. Sometimes there is envy, jealousy which leads to bitterness and strife among leaders in the Kingdom. Its sad…but it is true. Just make sure you are the female that blesses and encourages others. Ask God to make your “skin tough” and understand that even in the Old Testament and the New Testament, opposite sex genders seem to be more supportive to one another than same sex gender. Remember it was men that tried to kill Jesus, accused him wrongfully, men threatened him, men lied on him…but it was women that celebrated him, loved him, fed him, crawled through the dirt to touch him and it was women that poured their costly perfume on his body. So…often it will be the inverse in our lives. Women…get use to it. Men will support us, men will encourage us, men will bless us, and if women do not, let that be their problem, not yours!

3. How are so many people saying they are in ministry but when asked what church do they belong to, are told they don’t go to anyone’s church?

In my travels through-out America and abroad, I run into so many people that “love God, but hate Church”. This is usually a result of being hurt in an organized church environment. I imagine, the disciples often answered “they didn’t go to anyone’s church” either. Hmmmm, I’m just saying…

4. Does the word of God tell us about how Paul died?

This column is not devoted to substituting your own study of New Testament apostles and epistles. Therefore…we do know that on his death certificate could be written…”died because his heart stopped beating”. Anything else, get in the word and find that answer for yourself!

5. As a leader that ministers to other leaders, what is the best way to avoid burn-out?

I’m so glad you asked. Too often many leaders do not think they can experience burnt-out. But the way that Jesus Christ (in the flesh) did not experience bunt-out is that he often went away to rest, pray, fast and rejuvenate his body and spirit. We must realize that if we don’t “come away” we will “come apart”. You need to schedule one night a week to rest, One week-end per month to rest and one week every three months to rest. I am now serving as a Kingdom clinician with the title of “Substitute Pastor”. While you step away and rest, I will step in and fulfill the pulpit, counseling and consulting that your office may require.

6. How do you minister to someone that thinks they know it all?

You don’t! Don’t waste your time, talent or anointing.